In this holiday season, that is so difficult for so many people, I wanted to keep the conversation about depression, anxiety and suicide going and honor those we’ve lost too soon by writing about my experiences. These issues have affected every major segment of my life in a negative way. College, relationships, jobs. I have lost friends, family and destroyed relationships.

This was always the toughest time of year for me. The sun may be shining, surrounded by a winter wonderland filled with happy successful people and thinking about going skiing but my heart was dark. For reasons I didn’t understand, I felt of no value, sad, hurting and yet in the middle of paradise.

I self-medicated, was very angry at my perceived situation, I cut myself off from the people in my life for reasons that seemed like self-preservation at the time. I started thinking about suicide.

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