Friday, May 31, 2013

I know what you’ll do this summer


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

     Lately, I’ve been having some rather strange dreams occurring usually right before the break of dawn. Perhaps they were flashbacks of other times but I felt I should share one of them with you this week.

     This mad reverie opened with a headline on the front page of our local newspaper which stated: “The Second Annual Sciatic Nerve Pain Run Set for the Weekend.” The story went on to say that there were 71 entrants this year and it would take place in Ketchum starting at the traffic light by the US Bank and nexStage Theater and end at the door of the emergency room at St. Luke’s hospital some 1.1 miles away.

     Last year’s event featured some special moments. The 2012 winner, Chris Millspaugh, finished with best time of 1 hour and 11 minutes and 27 seconds, defeating a field of 66 racers. Prior to the event, 59 runners were disqualified because pain killers were found in their blood system. At the halfway mark, located in the alley by Mountain View Grocery which leads to Dick York Automotive, five entries dropped out, electing to take advantage of a wine sale at the grocery/gas station. That left Millspaugh and another man from Twin Falls named Limpy Johnson who was later found in a ditch next to the bridge crossing the Wood River. Johnson was pronounced dead and later released by the hospital. Struggling mightily, the belabored runner, Millspaugh, who had failed three stress tests the week before, staggered into the emergency room as the declared winner and fainted on a gurney. Staff assistants unaware of the event moved the “champion” into a private area where he was given a colonoscopy in error.

     When asked about his win, Millspaugh declared, “I felt good for the first 40 yards and then all the nerves in my right leg were attacked with severe pain. I blacked out but continued upright onto victory. Next year, if an influx of wealth might occur, I plan to have a back operation. However, if I’m overdrawn at the bank again next year, I’ll be back to defend my title.”

     He added, “Nice talking to you.”


Mr. Millspaugh still lives in a log cabin.




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