Friday, February 1, 2013

Super Bowl preview


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

    OK, here we go! It’s the Super Bowl again and locals are planning parties all over the Wood River Valley. Local businesses are having special sales. Restaurants and bars are offering great deals. Gambling is alive in every corner of Blatant County and, of course, we really can’t talk about that unless you’ll be in Nevada.
    But as we all know, football pools are being drawn now as I write this and some of them are quite extensive. One particular one will offer cash prizes for everything from longest kickoff return to most first downs in a half. You can also win on longest pass, longest run, most sacks, most passes broken up and most concussions in a quarter. What a day for America and the world.
    Some will collect money for predicting the number of fumbles, of individual pass completions, of most rushing yards in the first half, of most penalties by a team and the total score of both teams by the end of the third quarter. There’s hundreds of ways you can win … or lose. The most sophisticated parties will have ATM machines by the bean dip and one Sun Valley affair will have a complete loan department set up and working in the caretaker’s loft over the multi-car garage. Can you believe it?
    It’s the first Super Bowl ever where the opposing coaches are brothers and the game is being referred to as the Harbowl in honor of Jim and John Harbaugh. The third brother will spend the time apologizing to the parents for his lack of achievements and personal failures in a sky box overlooking the French Quarter.
    Not to be outdone, the half time show will feature Beyonce lip-synching her entire performance, and for the finale, the levees will be opened for a salute to Katrina. What a spectacular day!
    If you’re hosting a party, remember: no children and no non-football fans, and have plenty of food and beer and change for $100s. Who’s going to win? Who cares? It’s America’s Super TV Day … and the commercials are funny!
    Nice talking to you.


Mr. Millspaugh still lives in a log cabin.




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