Friday, January 18, 2013

It comes at a price


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Not going to work every day is an enormous feeling of freedom and joy. All you have to do is make sure you have enough money to pay for your obligations each month. If you do, you are truly blessed. If you don’t, be prepared for quite a struggle. 

The “art of getting by” becomes one of the great challenges of your lifetime. Everyone has a “nut” each month that you must meet. In order to meet that “nut”, one must be creative and determined. Here are some tips:

 

Sell possessions you don’t really need to survive on E-Bay.

Become a bodyguard for people’s pets.

Run errands for a fee (picking up mail, dry cleaning, groceries, prescriptions, videos, liquor and “dates”).

Drive job holders to and from work.

Write résumés, cover letters, excuses, entries for sweepstakes, “Dear John” letters, RSVPs and heartfelt apologies for others.

Rotate friends’ tires and then, rotate their friends.

Sell your blood and other precious bodily fluids.

Drive taxi drivers home after work.

Create a “Smitty and Orville” bottle collection service.

Shovel snow back on driveways for snow-plowing companies.

Count spare change collections of locals and wrap coins in small cylinders. Then, charge 10 percent of the total count as a fee.

Rent out your garage for storage.

Lease out your pets to lonely people.

Make toilet-roll-holders art to sell at the Sun Valley Arts and Crafts Show.

“My Fault Insurance” where you get paid to take the blame for guests’ actions at society functions.

Count people for data information used in bar bets.

Write other people’s family histories. (Wait, I really do that.)

 Want my advice? Hold on to your 9-to-5 job and never retire.

Nice talking to you.




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