Friday, December 21, 2012

The end, again?


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

“Armageddon down to get you in a taxi, honey. …”  If you’re reading this right now, the Mayans were wrong and a lot of survivalist stores are out of business. There goes the job market percentage, again. Now, you’ll have to pay those Christmas shopping bills. There goes the economy, again. We just can’t win.

OK, let’s start over … again. First, you’ll have to apologize to your boss Monday and admit that tearing up your cubicle and setting it on fire was, perhaps, not well thought out. Mea culpas are also in order for your bank, your creditors and your significant other whom you unceremoniously trashed in a powerful rant of denials and goodbyes. You have erred, again. Face up to it.

Next, your 75-mph drive through Bellevue blind drunk at rush hour while yelling, “Go Mayans” will have to be dealt with without question. Equally, apologies will have to be extended to the owners of the storefront businesses that you trashed.

A big “sorry” will also have to go out to those friends, neighbors and family members who will receive your profanity-laced Christmas cards that told them where to shove it.

Admissions of “my bad” will also have to be offered to local politicians, the IRS, the NRA, your landlord, the Pentagon, Fox News and the Sun Valley City Council. Again, just kidding, folks.

And, to my readers, my heartfelt wishes that a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year are in order for all of you. Does anyone need a generator?

Nice talking to you, again.

 




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