Friday, December 7, 2012

Pearl Harbor


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Today, I realized that I was born before Pearl Harbor’s surprise attack by the Japanese, which kicked off World War II. I took two Ambien and went back to bed. (I’m an older man.)

I remember that in the late 1960s, we used to celebrate Pearl Harbor Day by getting bombed and listening to the whole album of “Pearl” by Janis Joplin. But that was another day and I’ve grown so since then. I’m probably 30 pounds heavier

But it’s a good day to take stock of where we all are now—how we’ve progressed, how we’ve changed and how we plan to handle the holidays and the coming next year. Today, I am a happy man because I have a new neighbor who is totally refurbishing the once destroyed property tied to mine. There’s hope for the new year. As for the holidays, I, like many of you, am flat broke. I’m thinking of writing the grandchildren and telling them I was naughty last year and that Santa has refused to allocate any toys to me which I was to ship on to you kids. Rather than burst their bubble of the jolly oldster, I will take the heat. As for my children, well, they’re on their own. Perhaps a nice card would be in order with a bill itemizing all that I gave to them in their lifetimes. What’s the matter with that?

I take great pride in my decision to call Blaine County my home. Despite the ups and downs, you have to admit that it’s a very special place to celebrate Christmas. There’s lots to do that doesn’t require money. Sun Valley is my all-time favorite place for the holidays. There are concerts, ice skating shows for the locals and festive decorations to see, plus the great array of ice sculptures to marvel at once more. And, if you choose not to drive around in stormy weather, there is a fine bus system that will get you safely to your destination. 

In the past, I have been known to give pearls as a gift on this hallowed day—but not today. Today, I give a firm handshake to all and remind everyone that I am a veteran. Twenty years older, I would have been on those battleships taking flak from the enemy. Now, I just take flak from my creditors. 

So, remember Pearl Harbor, remember the Maine, remember the Alamo, just forget about getting a gift. I’d like to salute all those brave young men who fought and died that day, 71 years ago. Those heroes have made it possible for us to celebrate the holidays once again.

Nice talking to you.




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